Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
