I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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