Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
