saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
