She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
