Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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