o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
