i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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