dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
