I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
