Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
