This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
