Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
