HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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