Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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