Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
