did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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