then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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