the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
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Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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