One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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