Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish I only lived at night.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
