i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
