I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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