who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
