I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
