Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
