Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
