i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize