I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
