why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
