I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Can I color on your dick again?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
