I wish my penis had an off switch
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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