I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
