i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
