We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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