he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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