I accidentally burped into my bong.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
