quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
