I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
