What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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