Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
