My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
