all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
