I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
In America we eat man semen.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
