ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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