You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize