My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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