I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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