Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Pooping to opera.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize