i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Less talking, more tequila
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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