She is in my trunk
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
