She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
