Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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