i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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