my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
