Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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