So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
