I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
