How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
