I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize