Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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