I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
