That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
