We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
