i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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