Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
