Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
