Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Boobs speak an international language.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
