The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
