Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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