Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
