I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
