I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
