you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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