I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
