I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
