I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
